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Headscarves or not, Super Babushkas rule!

11/8/2011

3 Comments

 
Picture
Obviously, American grandmothers could learn a thing or two from their Russian counterparts – often called babushkas – who grew up “when rules were rules and babushkas enforced them.”
Ah, ladies! We’re in awe of both your chutzpah and your biceps. And, to think you are not only tolerated but rewarded for being aging know-it-alls! 
Go to http://wapo.st/uPHS3B for a delightful story about Russia’s annual search for the best-of-the-best grandmothers in the land.  Pick up the coveted title at your local senior center and you may travel to Moscow to compete as finalist in the Super Babushka competition. 
According to the accompanying photos, Super B herself is feted with ribbons and pins, an armful of borax and floor polish, and denture cleaner for life. As titleholder, her name is added to the list of great old ladies of yesteryear, the ones who could quiet a screaming child, whip up a borscht dinner for eight and replace brakes on the family GAZ, all at the same time, leaving nary a drop of sweat on their colorful headscarves.  
No shrinking violets here. Beauty queens need not apply. Candidates for this award  learned their skills at the feet of their own babushkas and from all who came before. Likewise, their own recipes, remedies, shortcuts and  catalog of life’s lessons will pass down as legacy to today’s and tomorrow’s Russian mamas. 
I wonder how many US grandmothers of a certain age would want this title? 
As a grandmother and mother-in-law, I find the urge to boss – I mean, share my acquired wisdom (much of it acquired the old fashioned way, through horrible mistakes and wrong-headedness) – is strong, but not strong enough to start a war with grown children gingerly maneuvering the minefields of parenthood. Instead, I try to spread my "suggestions" and "insights" through feature stories and blog posts. 
It seems a shame to let all this knowledge go to waste, doesn't it? Besides, it's always easier to accept advice from someone you don't know, for some odd reason.  
How do you rein in your underlying babushka tendencies to be the grandmother you want to be or wish you had? 

Picture
Oldest grandson teaches Nana to paint.

3 Comments
Nance link
11/9/2011 08:14:21 pm

You hit the heart of a big mothering issue. Both of my kids have let me know that they think I am wise and that I did a good job of parenting. And both have made it clear that they much prefer to have me be impressed by their wisdom than to receive mine. It's the strangest paradox, but I'm entirely disinclined to put it to the test or strain the relationships.

It probably figures prominently that I was a professional at guiding people through their thorny bits, but, whether that makes my kids more inclined or less to seek my advice...they rarely do. What they do respond well to is praise. It's like middle school all over again: I just choke back my advice, wait to catch them doing something right, and praise them to high heavens.

Which is why I was absolutely destroyed to come home yesterday to a message on the answering machine from Gallup, saying they'd phoned to survey my opinion. The one time since my retirement that someone goes out their way to solicit my thoughts and I MISSED IT!

Frustrating, all this suppressed wisdom.

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naomi dagen bloom link
11/11/2011 07:44:40 am

Paula, You've done a fine job here bringing together the personal and political. Love how you describe the babushkas and our own struggles to come to terms with what I call "grandmotherhood now."

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paula
11/11/2011 08:04:05 am

Thanks, Nance and Naomi! This is an issue that's been bothering me ever since my first grandchild was born, five years ago. So far, nobody's asking for my advice. And, I remember not wanting any from my mother, when I was a new mom.
I tried rolling up my sleeves and chipping in alongside the three new moms in the family, offering another set of hands along with enthusiasm and sure-fire tips, but it didn't take long for me to stop after the first few icy stares.
I write parenting features occasionally for a local newspaper and coping stories for a mental health publication, both of which allow me to use my parenting muscles before they atrophy altogether. As I said, apparently it's easier to accept advice from a stranger than a relative, at least in my family. Sad but true.

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